Surrendering
Chapter
21
Sarah
had not heard the knock at the door with her face buried into her
pillow.
“Oh
you poor dear.” Grams said as she walked to Sarah’s bedside with
her arms out to her. “Come here Sarah.” Grams wrapped her arms
around Sarah and held her tight.
“Is
there anything I can fetch for you?” Richards said softly.
Sarah
shook her head no, as she wiped her tears away. She looked a mess
with her hair falling out from the pins that had secured it and her
eyes were red and swollen. She brushed back her hair off her face as
she looked to Grams.
Grams
took Sarah’s face in her hands and looked to Sarah with such pity.
Sarah’s face began to frown in Gram’s hands and then crumbled as
tears streamed down from Sarah’s eyes and over Gram’s fingers.
She pulled Sarah to her chest and Sarah let her cries begin again.
She
rubbed Sarah’s back and gazed at Richards. “Perhaps some tea may
help.”
Richards
put his hand on Grams shoulder, gave it a little squeeze and nodded.
“Where shall you like me to bring it Darleen?”
“I
will tidy her up and we will have it in the drawing room Fredrick,
thank you my love.”
“Very
well then.” Richards then left to fetch some tea for the two women,
quietly closing the door as he exited the room.
Grams
lifted Sarah away from her and said, “Shall we clean you up a bit
and take some tea. We have all night to talk my dear. Come on let’s
get you to the dressing table and I will fix your hair.”
Gazing
at herself in the mirror as she sat at the dressing table, Sarah did
not recognize the young woman who was staring back at her. All she
saw was a sad weak woman who has a dark lonely future in front of
her.
Who
could love that kind of woman? Having no dowry to offer any suitor.
Growing up without a proper education, only the experience of the
travels with a father. Left without any connection to family and
remains still removed from society. A woman who was left alone and
penniless. What could I possibly have to offer anyone? Nothing is
what I have and nothing is all I will ever have.
Grams
watched Sarah in the mirror. Her heart was breaking for her as she
could see Sarah’s sad eyes. Sarah’s gaze into her own reflection
was hollow. Grams remembered feeling that way with the loss of her
husband and then tragically, with her son. The loneliness that covers
you like a blanket, wrapping you tight as if trying to smother what
little life is left in you out. She recalls what a threatening place
that can be.
“There
we are my dear.” Grams said as she finished placing the last pin in
Sarah’s hair. “You are so handsome Sarah. I never had a daughter
or a niece of my own to do hair for my dear. I do hope you like it?”
Grams smiled at Sarah’s refection.
Sarah
gazed down at a few pins that lay on top of the dressing table in
front of her. That last thing she felt was pretty. She did not want
to look at that woman in the mirror any more. Sarah does not know her
and does not care too.
As
she stood up from the dressing table, she thanked Grams and walked
towards the door. Her body felt heavy and sluggish. She felt numb.
Grams
came up beside her and looped her arm through Sarah’s arm. Together
the two women proceeded to the drawing room for some hot tea.
Devon
watched as Bob made his way from the table to a bar stool at the end
of the bar. Bob’s walk was anything but straight and steady. Devon
was amused at Bob’s repeated attempts to set himself on top of the
stool.
“Poor
Bob, if he had spent less time here and more at home, his wife
wouldn’t have left him. He had always liked the drink a wee bit too
much though,” John said.
John
turned towards Bob upon hearing a loud crash. Devon went to stand to
offer aid to the man. Bob had finally made it on top of the bar stool
and then fell over sideways as he passed out.
“Aah
Bob.” John said. He stood up and went to his friend lying on the
floor. “Come on their Bob, time to go home. Let’s get ya up and
will put ya to bed.” John helped Bob to his feet. Bob’s arm was
hanging over John’s shoulder.
Devon
came up next to Bob, and took his other arm and put it about his
shoulder. “How far does he live?”
“Oh
on the outskirts of town in the country, but we’ll bring him to me
house for the night.” John said with labored breath from the weight
of Bob on him.
“How
far do you live John?” Devon asked as he was trying to turn himself
and Bob sideways to get through the door of the tavern to the street.
“Ah
on the out skirts of town, a wee bit in the country but closer.”
Devon
started to chuckle. “Closer you say?” He shook his head back and
forth with amusement at John’s humor. “Alright then, which
direction are we to go?”
“To
the right and down the road a bit.” John replied.
John
and Devon made their way down the road with Bob. It was a struggle
for Devon to hold Bob, he was quite a bit taller than John was, and
to add to that Bob was not walking. Bob’s feet were dragging behind
him.
After
about fifteen minutes of walking, Devon threw Bob over his shoulder.
“It
is right around the corner up ahead.”
Devon
was thankful being that Bob was a heavyset man with a very round
belly that did not balance well upon his shoulder.
John
opened his front door and Devon stumbled inside with Bob. John
pointed to a room off the kitchen for Devon to place him. Devon
bounced off the narrow doorway of the room hitting Bob’s head on
the frame. Devon hurled Bob’s body on to the bed, nearly falling on
top of him as his body lunged forward.
Devon
pointed to Bob’s head and with labored breath and said, “He may
feel that in the morning.”
John
laughed at that. “Oh believe me lad. He has been in far worse
shape. A little knock on the noggin won’t do much to him.”
Devon
smiled at him, placing his hands on his hips while trying to catch
his breath.
“Come
on Devon. Let us see if we can find us a drink.” John patted him on
the back.
Devon
sat down in a chair at John’s kitchen table. His breathing was
still labored. It was a long walk from town with an encompassing man
about his shoulder.
“Ah
Brook me girl,” John said as he looked past Devon’s shoulder
behind him.
Devon
stood up and turned to greet the woman. He bowed to her and said,
“Nice to meet your acquaintance Lady Brook. My name is Lord Devon
Price.”
Devon
was surprised at how beautiful she was. Brook has big gray-blue eyes
and long wavy deep red hair. Both features were stunning against her
pale milky white skin.
Brook
curtsied to Devon and smiled. “How do you do Lord Price?”
“Devon
is a friend of Sarah’s,” John said as he sat back down.
Brook
moved quickly to Devon but still maintaining a respectable distance.
“You have not seen Sarah recently have you?” Brook’s expression
filled with worry for her friend.
“Sarah
is currently a guest at my estate with my family. I assure you she is
sound.” Devon said to Brook with a reassuring tone in his voice.
Brook
smiled at him, looking relieved upon hearing the good news.
Back
at the estate Grams and Sarah had settled down for tea in the drawing
room. Sarah was staring out the widow. She had not really taken her
tea yet. Richards had Molly make a variety of quick sweets for Sarah
but mostly for Grams.
Sarah
sat in the club chair next to the warm fire. She began to wonder if
it would be best to go back to Lady Wilcox’s to stay for a while.
It was not right that Devon was to leave every night because of her.
Sarah felt she had caused this family enough problems.
“A
sweet treat for your thoughts my dear,” Grams said as she held out
a sugar cookie in her hand.
Sarah
shook her head and said, “No thank you.” She then turned her gaze
back out the window. “I think it would be best if I return to Lady
Wilcox for a visit.”
“Sarah
I don’t want you to leave. I enjoy your company immensely my dear,
you are as family to me Sarah.” Grams scooted closer to Sarah off
the chair across from her. “Everything will work its self out.”
Grams patted Sarah’s hand. “You will soon see.” She tried to
smile at her.
“I
would feel more comfortable to be honest with you Grams. I am sorry.”
Grams
face fell. “Will you not still come to visit with me?”
Sarah
smiled weakly at her, “Of course I will. I do not think I would be
able to stay away from you even if forced too.” Sarah took Grams
hand in hers. “You are family to me as well Grams. My only family
now.”
“I
will take you to Lady Wilcox’s myself, if you do not mind?” Grams
then sat back and took a mini muffin off the silver platter from the
side table next to her.
Her
gaze fell back upon the window once more as Richards entered the room
and asked Grams for a private word with her. Sarah had not wondered
why. Her mind was on Devon and the horrible night’s events.
Brook
and Devon began talking at the small kitchen table. She filled Devon
in on what she knew of Sarah’s situation. It took Devon some time
to convince her all the information was to help Sarah. Brook is a
very loyal friend. She did not want to spread gossip or embarrass
Sarah in any way with anything she was to tell him and Devon
respected that.
Given
the late hour, Brook had offered for Devon to take the remaining
spare room to sleep in for the night. Devon had agreed and Brook
retired to bed. Devon remained in the kitchen sitting at an old small
wooden table in front of the fire.
Devon
gazed into the flames as they shifted and moved wildly from the wind
picking up outside. He suddenly felt exhausted. It had been a long
day and an even longer night. He began to drift off into sleep at the
table.
Devon
saw Sarah standing in the middle of a field, just beyond the forest.
She was wearing a white wedding gown that blew around her in the
wind. Her hair was down and whipped in every direction in the gusts.
She was staring at him as he rode towards her on a black stallion.
Devon could see her bright green eyes glisten in the moon light as he
approached her.
As
he came up beside her on the horse, she turned from him and began to
walk away. Devon dismounted and called to her. Sarah did not answer,
she only gazed back and smiled. Devon followed her as she walked
further into the field towards the other line of trees across from
where they were.
He
slowly walked behind her a few yards back. He was confused. Where was
she going? Why would she not answer him?
Sarah
drew closer to the tree line and gazed back at him again. She was
breath taking in the wedding dress he though. Devon suddenly panicked
at the thought of whom she was going to marry. Who had asked for her
hand?
He
called to her again through the strong hollowing of the wind. Sarah
turned away and entered into the forest, disappearing in front of his
very eyes. Devon for some reason did not want to go in after her. He
stood in the spot where she had left him, staring into black
emptiness.
Sarah
called his name as she appeared in the line of trees in front of him.
Devon asked where she was going. Sarah answered wherever her heart
takes her. Devon asked her where that would be. Sarah walked toward
him and told him to you.
Devon
was shaking in his dream. She was asking him to love her. Sarah with
a tear in her eye turned from him and began to run away.
He
did not want her to leave. He was also scared to follow her. He
watched her run away into the darkness. There was a frightful pain
building up in his chest. Devon drew his hand up and placed it over
his heart. He could feel it thumping rapidly. Sarah was gone and he
screamed for her. It was a dreadful scream filled with desperation
and regret.
Sarah
did not answer and never reappeared. Devon fell to his knees and let
out everything he had been holding in for her, for Benjamin, his
father and grandfather. He needed her. He wanted her and now he was
too late, she was gone.
“Devon,
Devon wake up.”
Devon
awoke as Brook was gently shaking him in the chair. He looked up and
saw Brook’s expression.
“Are
you alright Devon? You were screaming for Sarah.”
Devon
felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. Brook handed him a dry cloth
for his face. Devon wiped his face and shook his head.
Brook
had poured him some water and handed it to him. Devon took it and
sipped it.
“You
are sweating. What were you dreaming about?” Brook went to the pail
of water and submerged the cloth in it. She then handed it to him and
sat down. “You sounded as if you were in a great deal of pain.”
Brook then poured herself a small drink of water.
“I’m
not sure. I was in a field and Sarah was there with me and I-” He
stopped as it came rushing back to him. “I am not sure what it was
about.
“My
goodness Devon, you are turning pale. You are as white as a ghost is.
Come with me and I will help you to bed.”
Brook
did not wait for his response as she took his arm and nudged him to
his feet. She led him to the spare room and pulled back the covers
for him. His hands were shaking and he felt dizzy. Devon began to
sway towards Brook.
She
stood up straight after turning down the bed and turned to face him.
All she saw was his pale face falling into her. Brook jumped off to
the side as she let out a little yelp.
“Devon
are you alright?” Brook asked.
He
did not answer her. He was face down on the bed and sweating. Brook
rolled his body over and began removing his coat. She then moved onto
his boots. Brook stopped as she took off everything other than his
breeches. She went to the kitchen and grabbed the cloth and water
pail. Brook wiped him down and took his clothes to wash them.
As
she left the room, she began to giggle to herself. Her bedchamber was
right off the kitchen and she heard everything Devon was talking
about in his sleep. She had not woken him until he had started to
scream for Sarah. Brook heard enough of his dream to figure out he
was heartbroken over Sarah. Whatever the dream was about, it had
upset him enough to cause him to faint. Brook laughed again and
thought who ever heard of a man fainting over loving a woman.
Sarah
had gone up to bed hours ago and was still lying awake, staring out
the window. The blue curtains from the window were gently blowing in
and out of the window. She felt her tears begin to fall again. They
began to form a wet spot on her pillow. Sarah wiped her tears and
turned the pillow over.
She
had decided to leave late morning after breakfast. She most likely
would not eat but, if Grams was to escorting her, she could not deny
Grams her appetite. Perhaps she would begin to feel better once she
arrived at Lady Wilcox’s home. She did love spending time with her.
Sarah felt for her as if she were an aunt. Lady Wilcox always made
her feel welcome and at home.
Sarah
watch the sun start to rise as the sky turned all shades of pink and
purple. She loved those two colors. The birds were chirping their
morning greetings to the world and Sarah let a small smile out.
Sarah
whispered aloud, “Devon Price I deserve better.”
